Chapter 12: Zen and the Art of Spaceship Piloting

The Circe pulled away from the Zone's airlock, propelling itself backwards through space like some sort of steely cephalopod nightmare. Ennings deftly navigated the ship between idling Military carriers and gunships, richly detailed personal yachts fleeing for economic safety, cargo-laden junks looking to hawk their wares, and unsuspecting consumers looking for a bargain on goods of questionable use and legality.

Parson sat to the left of Ennings, charting out a course through deep space. Their ability to leapfrog entire systems would give them no small edge over pursuers, who would have to navigate between planets and around debris in their journey between Interstates. It used to be that Parson could just draw a straight line between the Perse's location and their destination, and that would be that. However, the margin of error afforded to a ship of the Perse's size is hilariously large compared to the sort of danger a small ship faced. A misplaced micrometeoroid, a blown fuse, the tiniest thing could upset any number of delicate systems that would render the ship completely inoperable, stranding it in the absolute barren nothingness of space. A complete death sentence.

So, Parson opted to stick closer to occupied space. Skirting around the edges of privately-owned Agrarian systems, mining colonies, he charted a course that would leave them close enough to get help, should something unexpected happen.

Considering that this was the first time any of them would be traveling via teenaged girl, the unspoken agreement was to err heavily on the side of caution.

Gizmo, in his eternal quest to understand everything ever, pored over the screens of the computer bank opposite Parson. He ran diagnostic after diagnostic, reading through every instruction and log file he could find, occasionally hemming and hawing in that way smart people do when they really want you to ask them what they're doing, so they can launch into a long-winded explanation of thermal exsanguination or whatever, just to hear themselves talk. Nobody acknowledged his pleas for attention.

“Gentlemen, we need to talk.” Ennings said carefully. “There has been something bugging me for a while, and I think we need to settle things before we go making a mockery of conventional physics.”

“Agreed.” Gizmo said almost immediately. “This ship was antiquated when it was made. When you think about it, the very idea that we can travel via psychic is laughable. This is going to end terribly.”

“I wouldn't be so quick to say that.” Parson interjected. “Jen's smart. She wouldn't have survived as long as she has if she wasn't. I think there's a lot to this that she understands that we don't. Besides, we'll never understand the ship until we see what she can do.” Ennings raised an eyebrow quizzically.

“And, I've kept us close to fringe settlements. We'll be close enough to get help if we need it, and we'll avoid most of the Military presence in these parts. They don't much like to venture far away from the Interstate.” Parson continued. Gizmo nodded, taking off his cap to scratch at his scalp. “Either way, I don't think we should let her in on who we are and what we've done. I think she's hiding from the Military, same as we are, but we can't risk that yet. Not when we know so little about her.” Gizmo nodded again, grunting his approval.

“What? That's. . . What are you talking about?” Ennings shook his head, as if that would help the words make sense. “That's not what I meant at all.”

“No?” Parson asked.

“No, not at all. You couldn't be more wrong.” Ennings sighed. “I'm worried about Philo.”

“He's fine.” Gizmo stated assuredly. “I've been checking up on him, there's nothing out of the ordinary. I'll need to replace some of his fluid bodies in a few months, but they're well within acceptable tolerances.”

“He's gay.” Ennings stated that with such a gravity that Parson and Gizmo scarcely had time to supress their incredulity, instead sharing a clandestine glance.

“Is he, now?” Parson asked, leaning forward. “What makes you say that?”

“You saw the way he acted back on the economic zone. There wasn't a dress he didn't twirl in. He cooed over shoes like they were kittens. Tiny, fuzzy, adorable shoes. That's not natural.”

“That's it? That's what clued you in?” Parson asked, leaning his face upon his hand.

“Oh, also, he made out with a guy back on Bochco.” Ennings didn't seem to notice Gizmo's rapidly arching eyebrow. “Really hot and heavy, it was pretty disturbing.” Gizmo's other eyebrow arched.

“He what?”

“He kissed a guy. We needed his car, so I told Philo to distract-”

“Okay, that's definitely more than I really wanted to hear.” Gizmp protested. “Either way, I don't think Philo is gay.”

“Why not?” Ennings asked.

“He's a robot.”

“He could be a gay robot.”

“No, he couldn't.” Gizmo sighed and rubbed the arch of his nose. “Aside from everything wrong with that statement, Gizmo isn't gay because he's not a man.”

“I'm willing to argue that his chassis is decidedly masculine.” Ennings said shrewdly.

“Right, but he's got the brain of a woman.” There was a sudden silence as Ennings paused to consider the ramifications of what that said about Philo.

“So. . .” Ennings paused again, clearly grappling with issues larger than what he was used to dealing with. “He's a woman. . . Trapped inside a man's body?”

“No, he's a woman trapped inside a robot's body.” Gizmo corrected.

“A masculine robot.” Ennings added. Gizmo sighed.

“Sure, yeah. Whatever greases your axelrod.” Gizmo crossed his arms and sat back, very much enjoying the mental gymnastics Ennings was fumbling his way through.

“I can't decide if that makes it more or less horrifying.” Ennings said soberly.

“Honestly, I'm surprised this has weighed so heavily upon you.” Parson said, sharing a mirthful glance with Gizmo. “You never struck me as the sort to take offense to homosexuality.”

“Oh, I don't take any offense in it.” Ennings said quickly. “It's just, well, being a robot, that's one degree removed from nature. Same with being gay. So, being a gay robot, that's. . . That's double-unnatural.”

“Well, it's certainly hard to argue with that logic.” Parson said blithely.

“You don't agree?” Ennings asked.

“Not at all. I don't think being a gay robot is any more unnatural than humanity living in space, terraforming worlds all willy-nilly like we are. I mean, to be perfectly honest, I'm pretty sure natural stopped factoring into the equation once we figured out how to smelt metal.” Parson reclined in his chair, smug in his absolute demolishing of Ennings' thought.

“Well, what about blackmail?” Ennings asked. “Someone could find out his secret, and then use it as leverage against him, forcing him to work against us lest the world discover his dark secret!”

“Except that homosexuality stopped being a shameful secret about a hundred years before the colonization of space.” Parson said. “If these shadowy agents really wanted to turn Philo against us, the amazingly impressive legal record we've managed to earn would be far more effective an incentive than any dark personal secret he might have.”

“Really?” Ennings asked, concern crossing his face.

“Oh, absolutely.” Gizmo added. “If he wanted to turn us in, we'd have been tied together with our own limbs by now. Nothing short of an EMP going off inside his chest could stop that behemoth.”

“Well, what about the Warcrime?” Ennings asked, now legitimately curious.

“It would never rupture his power core. You could probably blow off his limbs, maybe fuck up his sensory array, but it wouldn't so much stop him as just make him angry.”

“You've created a monster, you do know that, correct?”

“Oh, totally.” Gizmo broke out into a wide grin. “Isn't it awesome?” Ennings slowly rose to his feet.

“I'm going to go, ah-”

“Apologize?” Gizmo asked, still grinning.

“Yes.”

“Good call.” Parson said, turning back to his console. “I'll get us far enough out to make the first jump out. Bring Jen with you, when you come back. We're not going anywhere without her.”

Ennings nodded before leaving the cockpit. As the door slid home behind him, Parson and Gizmo burst out into laughter.